Leave His Ass

Photo by Ronan Furuta on Unsplash

I’m sitting here halfway through my day, and all I can say is that everything feels so damn surreal. I keep cycling through feeling contented and grateful for the things that are good in my life, trying to focus on doing things that are necessary but not particularly fun, worrying about the future, moving forward with things I want to create in my life, and feeling completely and utterly fed up with the current situation of the entire world being held hostage by a crazy, senile, dangerous person and their flying monkeys.

I can’t even be angry or shocked anymore. I’m just fucking done. We all deserve better than this failing empire bullshit drama. The feeling I have about this whole regime and this failing capitalist age and the past 50 years of watching my country slide into this moral cesspool is very much how I felt leaving my abusive ex-husband and his fucked up extended family and friends, after having tried so hard for so long to “make it work”. Just an unbreakable resolve and refusal to live with this insanity anymore. I am leaving. I will not participate in this mess. I have not much of a plan and no certainty about anything, but I will take that over enduring this situation.

I drift into dark humor in my head, “well, if he blows everything up at least I can stop worrying about retirement, I’ll be dead.” It’s a coping mechanism.

I am praying for everyone on the planet, to make it through this terrible time safely, and particularly for the Iranians. Well, everyone on the planet except the sick fucks putting the rest of us through all of this, and the people enabling them. If they want to have this war, put their boots on the ground and let them duke it out in person. Leave the rest of us out of it.

I am done with being held hostage by bad, sick men and their enablers. I know nobody is coming to save us, and I’m doing what I can in my small way to change the course we’re on. I don’t have a lot of power to influence the current geopolitical situation, but neither am I completely powerless in my own life. I don’t have to have a plan or all the answers worked out. I can use my moral compass to guide me, step by step.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how conditioned I have been to just….accept….the evil in the world. To adapt to it, to accept the lie that “this is how it’s always been, this is the way it is.” Fuck that shit. Never once has accepting this as normal had a good outcome for me personally, and we can all see how it has worked out on a national and global scale.

It is perversely and profoundly freeing for me to see that the people I was always taught to respect and obey in the cult of ‘Murica in fact are horrible, incompetent human beings who should never be in charge of anything ever. I knew it in my gut all along, I have spoken up all my life, and been shut down, but it’s plain as day now, and I’m done debating it with anyone. I choose to believe the evidence of my own eyes and ears.

I have no idea what’s going to happen next, but I am clear that I am done with living under the thumb of an abuser and surrounded by their enablers. There’s literally no reason to keep trying to make it work anymore. I have raised my standards and I’d rather die than continue living with people like this, and I will find a way to create something better. We might be doomed, and we might not, but I’m not going to wait around for the other shoe to drop or mince words anymore trying to “get along”.

Leave his ass. In any way that you can manage. No matter how small. It’s time to “trust that small beginnings carry profound momentum” (thanks Grey Galaxie) and just say ENOUGH in whatever way we can do right now. It’s time for us all to refuse to participate in these dysfunctional family dynamics, at every level of society. It’s going to be a long scary road, but we can make the journey together. We’ll figure it out as we go. Humans always have.

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